I am a bad blog keeper, I apologize for how little I have been posting, but you must realize how busy and crazy my life is now. Still, no excuse not to keep you all updated.
To begin with, yesterday was my 3-week-aversary here in Costa Rica. I think I have finally started to settle in to the lifestyle here. More or less... The first thing I want to talk about is what has been the most prominent problem so far, homesickness. Battling the blues is hard, because when you're abroad, especially at this age, you take all that frustration and confusion from adjusting to a new culture, and turn it into sadness. The first week was good, but difficult. Family life was great, but school was throwing me out of my groove. It was about the second week when things really started to get tough. I felt a lump in my throat every time I thought about home. It was an odd feeling, it would come up all at once, like a dry thud hitting me in the chest anytime something reminded me of home. That second week was difficult, I was trying to deny that I missed New Mexico. By the end of the week I came to terms with the fact that I missed my home. In the anarchy that is school here (which I will discuss later), I would often find my mind wandering back down the streets in my town, its fingers touching the things I never knew I loved until they weren't there. I thought of things like the long days and the way the sun comes in through the window in the late afternoon, and the wooden spoons in my kitchen, and the way the car smells. Things like my moms flannel shirts, and the sound my bed makes when I sit down on it, and the floors creaks, those late night village inn runs, and the rainbows in my dining room. I missed how the sun shines through the chandelier and the crackling sound my space heater makes, and the fire place in the winter. I think that missing home is painful but it is also beautiful because it means that I have a place that I love and cling to when I need it. At night is when it was the worst. I would listen to my music and think of how often I have lain beneath a strange roof and dreamed of home. I decided not to play the victim anymore, and accept that it's in our nature to feel what is natural. We're all alone in this together.
A few weeks ago, I walked out my driveway gate to discover my street filled with horses. I am terrified of horses so this was not a good discovery. Apparently it is a tradition here for all the surrounding town to show their horses by riding them down the street. Great.
Other than homesickness occupying my mind, I have been pretty busy. I have made some friends in school, and I think it's so interesting how quickly they all opened up to me about their personal lives, and asked me about mine. I also think it is interesting how all the misfits come out of the woodwork when a fresh face shows up. I think to them, I am a fresh start, I know nothing of their past and they know nothing of mine, we can both completely reinvent ourselves. All things considered, school is pretty disorganized here. There's just a general more relaxed attitude towards school here. The student-teacher relationship is much more friendly, and there are a lot more breaks. I don't like how noisy it is. Since I speak only a little spanish right now, most of my life is white noise. My mind is trying to make sense of what it hears, trying to turn it into english. I heard English being spoken for one of the first times yesterday and it was so odd. My mind is already used to spanish, to only understanding a little of what it hears. Independence Day is coming up and I somehow was chosen as a distinguished student to walk in the parade with all the other distinguished students in my school. I am pretty excited for that.
My birthday was the 25th and it was great. I had a great time with my school friends. We went to my friends house to work on a project but it was really just us watching the emmy's and eating chocolate. It was nice. We introverts do best with a few close friends with whom we can have deep conversations. My family had a little party for my with lots of cake and ice cream. I felt so cozy and at home. I am finally 16, but I feel much older.
The next day I went to an orientation and I was deeply confused and even more exhausted so needless to say it was a bust. I came home and took a 3 hour nap and ate chocolate and listened to music that made me sad and played the victim for an afternoon because it's good to feel your feelings even if it means being pathetic.
Yesterday I went to a volcano and it was beautiful and freezing. My host father was doing a 10k and I was happy to sit and watch and eat tortillas de queso. I am constantly being reminded of the astounding beauty that I have stumbled into. I am so lucky to be here.
Spanish is hard, but it is improving. I find myself using words I didn't know when I arrived, and occasionally a thought enters my mind in spanish and I mentally high five myself. I go to spanish classes on saturdays and if anything they've taught me to celebrate the little victories, because that's all I have right now.
I am happy, little twangs of homesickness and all. I love it here and I love it in the USA, and I am so lucky to be able to say that. Costa Rica is so different and beautiful and I think this whole year I will spend endlessly pealing away the layers of this culture. I am excited for what it to come, and I am grateful for all that has already happened.
Photos coming soon
Love, The wander-lustful Emma.